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Tips to Deal with Toxic People from Islamic and Counseling Sources

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“The servants of The Compassionate are those who walk upon the earth in humility. When the ignorant address them, they say, “Peace.”” (Al Furqan, 25:63)

Alhamdulillah, there are many kind, moral, and emotionally healthy people in our world. However, most people encounter emotionally unhealthy people and face “toxic” relationships at some point in life. Accepting that this is a common human experience will help you to calmly deal with toxic people and to not feel alone.

This article will discuss the signs of a toxic person, the importance of protecting yourself from toxic people, general tips to deal with toxic people and ideas about toxic family members.

Signs of a Toxic Person

There are many types of toxic people with different levels of toxicity. Toxic people might be overly self-centered, negative, controlling or passive. A person is probably “toxic” to you if:

  1. You feel bad after being around him/her, even if you don’t know why.

  2. You feel a sense of dread when you see his/her number appear on your phone, or you feel uneasy when you need to meet with him/her.

  3. The person lacks empathy and feels entitled. He/she would say it’s your fault if you feel bad after meeting with him/her.

Toxic people cause stress in others through their behaviors. They often apologize but later do the same things. This stress causes physical health problems for people who are in the presence of toxic people. Body aches, stomach problems, anxiety, eating and sleeping problems and other illnesses are direct byproducts of stress created by toxic people.  

If you are dealing with toxic people, remember to be your own best friend and to take care of yourself. The Prophet Muhammad SAWS said, “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself”. 1

This hadith teaches us to love others, but is also saying that we should already love ourselves in the first place. Would you want your brother or sister to suffer from the stress of toxic relationships? Then why do so many of us allow ourselves to suffer from the effects of toxic people? 

Also, remember that you are the only person responsible for the choices you make in life.

“Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves” (Ar-Rad, 13:11).

It is your choice to do something about a toxic relationship, or to do nothing at all.

The Prophet Muhammad SAWStaught us to be wary of the company that we keep in the following ahadith:

  1. Prophet SAWSsaid: “A person is on the religion of his companions. Therefore let every one of you carefully consider the company he keeps.” 2

  2. Abu Musa Al-Ash`ari RAu reported: I heard the Prophet SAWS saying, “The similitude of good company and that of bad company is that of the owner of musk and of the one blowing the bellows. The owner of musk would either offer you some free of charge, or you would buy it from him, or you smell its pleasant fragrance; and as for the one who blows the bellows (i.e., the blacksmith), he either burns your clothes or you smell a repugnant smell”. 3

Here are some reasons to avoid or minimize contact with toxic people:

  1. Their negativity slows you down in achieving your goals.

  2. They drain you of energy and add stress and anxiety to your life.

  3. The stress that they cause can affect your physical health.

General Ideas to Deal with Toxic People

  1. Start to let them go. Do what you feel is the best way to let them go. Avoid them. Don’t pick up their calls. You can apologize for being distant but you don’t need to explain why or defend your actions.

  2. Know your boundaries and stick to them. Be firm, since toxic people want their own way at any cost. They may try all kinds of emotionally manipulating tactics to get what they want. So be prepared and be firm.

  3. You may want to talk to them about your problem with them. Keep a record of what is decided. You can follow up a discussion with an email confirmation, inviting correction if anything is wrong. This will help to prevent or expose lying later on.

  4. Be polite and honest and try to adhere to the values of Islam.

  5. Surround yourself with friends who support and uplift you. Also, consult with trustworthy people about your situation.

    “…And consult them in the matter. Then, when you have taken a decision, rely upon Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who rely (upon Him).” (Al-Imran, 3:159)

  6. Remember to stay calm when dealing with toxic people. Pretend that their is an invisible shield surrounding you and separating you from their negativity.

  7. Pay attention to the signs of Allah’s help, such as an important information that comes and helps you to make a better decision.

  8. Learn from your experiences with toxic people so that you can grow and improve your life.

Sometimes, it is difficult to totally separate yourself from toxic people. This is when you need to use coping strategies to help you cope with such people. Coping strategies are actions that help you to remain calm and relaxed during stressful situations. Examples include making duaa to Allah SWT, going for a walk, talking to a caring person or sipping hot tea.

Spiritual Prescriptions for Life’s Challenges

Of course, patience and prayer are the best life prescriptions for any problem we are facing.

“O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.” (Al Baqarah, 2:153)

One of my all-time favorite hadith is:

“How wonderful is the case of a believer; there is good for him in everything and this applies only to a believer. If prosperity attends him, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him; and if adversity befalls him, he endures it patiently and that is better for him”. 4

This hadith reminds me that in all situations, I should strive to be either in a state of gratitude or in a state of patience. Often, we can feel both feelings at the same time. We can be patient regarding a toxic person in our lives, and we can also feel gratitude for the blessings in our lives.

Patience does not mean that we sit back and do nothing about a toxic relationship. One day, Prophet Muhammad SAWS noticed a Bedouin leaving his camel without tying it and he asked the Bedouin, “Why don’t you tie down your camel?” The Bedouin answered:

“I put my trust in Allah.”

The Prophet then said:

“Tie your camel first, then put your trust in Allah”. 5

This hadith teaches us that we should take actions to protect ourselves from harm.

Seeking Allah’s forgiveness is also a spiritual prescription for any problem we are facing in life. peaceblog-image

The ProphetSAWS said, “Whoever does a lot of Istighfar, Allah will provide him a way out of each concern he has, and will solve all his troubles, and will provide him with livelihood from sources that were not known to him.” 6

Please use your problems, such as toxic relationships, to your advantage. Use them as a motivation to turn to Allah SWT more and to remember Him SWT more. 

Toxic Family Members

We all know that maintaining family ties is important in Islam. If you are having to deal with a toxic family member, then cutting off ties with him/her should not be a first recourse.

In a famous hadith, Asma RAaa, the daughter of Abu Bakr RAuasked the Prophet SAWS, “My mother has come to see me, although she hates our religion, should I then show affection to my mother?” He said, “Yes, you must show affection to your mother.” 7

The best course of action is to use your coping strategies, be patient, and try to avoid too much contact with toxic family members.

As the Quran states,

“Bear patiently with what they say (against you) and leave their company in a polite manner.” (Al-Muzzammil, 73:10)

Often, married people face toxic behaviors from their spouses. Patience is a virtue, but in the long run, ignoring toxic behaviors will eventually erode the marital relationship. Trying to understand one another’s feelings and thoughts is the key to improving one’s marriage. Many problems simply stem from a lack of accurate understanding. Of course, understanding yourself and your own feelings first is critical to understanding others.

Conclusion

Toxic people are a part of life. Remember to take care of yourself and to believe that you are worthy of having healthy relationships. Allah SWT does not benefit from your suffering. Seek out support from people you trust, and of course, pray and be patient.

“…And whosoever fears Allah…He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine.” (At-Talaq, 65:2-3)
Please let us know your thoughts and suggestions in the comments section below. We would love to hear what you have to say inshaAllah :)
  1.   Bukharee, Muslim
  2.   Tirmidhee
  3.   Al-Bukharee and Muslim
  4.   Muslim
  5.   At-Tirmidhee
  6.   Narrated by Imam Ahmad, Sanad Sahih
  7.   Bukharee, Muslim
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If you liked the article, do leave a comment down below

260 Responses

    1. Zeenat_tzj@hotmail.com'
      Zeenat osman

      Assalam alaikum…..jazakallah for a beautyful advice i was in search of this advice as i going through trauma very bad damage have beenaffected to me on starting of layl tulqadr……… i cannot pray my salah also. N just anhour ago i listen in phone about surah ad duhan then saw this in my fcbk.thank you so muçh.pray for me n my family sabr.MAY ALLAH BLESS YOU

    2. rubina.s1@hotmail.com'
      rani

      Yes it is outstanding article.there are many types of such toxic peoples.one type called NPD in psychology.thanks a lot for giving such type of wonderful information.God bless you brother.

  1. tbumar60@gmail.com'
    Tukur

    Thank you very much for this article. I am currently dealing with a very difficult neighbour. In very important matters that concern the community and the mosque he can’t see beyond his own personal interest. Dealing with him is quiet exasperating. Thank you.

    1. duha25us2003@yahoo.com'
      Duha

      I Am also living with a night mare neighbor. who is totally away from all kinds of educations . totally jahil . fingering every ones personal maters . n no one says any thing to them i dont know y

  2. Danah.thaslim@gmail.com'
    Mrs A

    Felt the post on toxic people needed more depth. I am also undergoing difficulties with toxic people but I felt this post was not enough for my doubts.

  3. ummyahya2001@yahoo.com'
    kalimataan

    I am looking for a life time already for good accompany but those people do not search for my accompany.so I am left between the chairs

  4. zainabkhan88@gmail.com'
    Zainab

    Toxic family members that you have to live with everyday and who demand your presence and attention cannot take you ignoring them easily…They use your avoidance as a means of straining the relationship between you as well. There is a lot to dealing with them but I guess it varies from person to person, relationship to relationship and even from context to context..
    I think the best reliance is on Dua and for Allah to soften their hearts towards being positive.

    1. rezwanafayaz@yahoo.com'
      rezwana

      Yeah thats true… if u ignore u actually end up crying y u ignored coz that person can make things more difficult for u and use ur children or the chores to get back at u!!!! May Allah guide us all… ameen

  5. bello_labaran@yahoo.com'
    Bello

    Assalaamu Alaikum Warahmatullaahi Wabarakatuhu!
    Really very fantastic task especially for the advancement of our religion and humanity at Dawah.
    May Allah reward you in advance for this kind thirstiest job of the time.
    Thank you

  6. mclocicero@yahoo.com'
    Maria

    Thank you for your advice, and the hadiths mentioned. I will try to follow through with your advice and pray that I find more information to comfort & protect me in this very hectic time in my life. Not only am I dealing with negative people, but also a female who uses, I believe, black magic to influence people and situations. Enshal Allah , I am not correct in this belief. Again loved the article and will keep it handy in the near future as a reference.

  7. duha25us2003@yahoo.com'
    Duha

    i believe that we should talk short/less with toxic people. we shouldn’t be personal or emotional with them. We should face them with self confidence and be grounded

    1. oreodove111@gmail.com'
      Kunza

      I agree with you.. Bcz toxic people are having their own conflicts inside. God knows how much disturbed they are by their own toxicity.. so we should not leave them alone yet we should protect ourselves from them as well.

  8. amelplace@gmail.com'
    Amel

    Great article! Indeed it is hard to stay away from toxic people especially when they are close family members. Jazakallah khair for the practical advices ans May Allah help us all rid of toxins in our lives.

  9. faizah.wahid@gmail.com'
    NFaizah

    Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh, thank you for this article. Alhamdullilah, it helped me in understanding my predicament this morning dealing with some people. I pray I don’t give the same effect to others too. :). Thank you again.

    1. Wa alaikum as salam warahmatullah wabarakatu, Thank you/JazakAllah for your excellent, kind comment. You make an excellent point–sometimes we can become toxic ourselves! May Allah (swt) protect us and help us to spread goodness to others.

  10. hamza_1594@yahoo.com'
    Hamzah

    Assalaamwaleikum all;

    Well, this was a very eye-opening atricle, and alhumdulillah it gives a lot of helpful information, however, I had a small query regarding one aspect; namely the cutting off from friends who are toxic, there must be some methods and systems to help these toxic people; I mean I guess they’re still muslims! So, even if not me, or at least immediately, shouldn’t we also include some methods to help heal or cure such relationships?

    JazahkAllah khyer

    1. Wa alaikum as salam Hamzah,
      May Allah (swt) bless you for your sincere and caring question. I agree that helping others and trying to heal relationships is very important in Islam. What I hope that this article is saying is that toxic relationships do harm us and as Muslims we should care about ourselves as well as others. Ideally, we could heal all toxic relationships, but sometimes, people refuse to change (and sometimes they do). Allah (swt) knows best.

  11. Shaimahuss19@gmail.com'
    Shaimahussain

    Asalamualiakum
    Sister ,may Allah reward you for this .i don’t know why i started crying after reading this ,maybe it remided me of someone similar . please pray for me so that i may be able to help that person to be a better one.In sha Allah

  12. azmurad79@yahoo.com'
    azmina

    Insha’Allah may Allah SWT guide n protect us Muslim ummah from Haram. Aa’meen I love the article JazzakkAllahu khayran

  13. mariamjarwan@gmail.com'
    Mariam

    Simple yet profound tips Masha’Allah…sometimes such p’ple are very difficult to deal with especially if they’re family members & u just have to learn to deal with ’em…we don’t control p’ple neither can we change ’em all we can do is control & mature about the way we thing about something.

  14. Tanzil_ahmed@hotmail.com'
    Tanzil

    Assalamu’alaikum
    is there a way to remove the share options that appear on the side of the screen, it is blocking the text on left side of the screen . I am using samsung note tb

    1. Islamic Online University

      Walaikum assalam
      We have changed the settings and we hope it will be fine now in shaAllah :)
      Jazakillah khairan

  15. 1320120@gmail.com'
    Mitchell

    I really want to avoid someone but what about this hadith?

    “It is not permissible for a man to forsake his Muslim brother for more than three days, each of them turning away from the other when they meet. The better of them is the one who gives the greeting of salaam first.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5727; Muslim, 2560).

    Taken from: http://islamqa.info/en/21878

    Please clarify. I’m confused.

    1. khanquerer5pg@gmail.com'
      Dr. Nawazish Ali khan

      Forsake and avoidance or too much involvement are different things, that hadith tells that you shouldn’t totally cutoff ties to the extent that you don’t see eye to eye or turn face away when you see him/her but yes if you don’t like anyone you are within your rights to avoid him/her through polite and dignified manner as is proven by another hadith in which it’s narrated that once a wicked man came to meet prophet Muhammad SAWS pbuh he greeted him n met him with great etiquette n manners but after he left prophet Muhammad SAWS pbuh said may ALLAH save me from his company, I can’t quote hadith number etc but this is true, plz iou/anyone put the reference to this hadith

    2. JazakAllah/ thank you for your important comment. You make an excellent point and may Allah (swt) reward you for your obvious sincerity as a Muslim. Yes, I too have reflected on this hadith and it does seem to contradict some points in my article. My sincere advice is to understand how badly a toxic person is affecting your life. If you feel that your mental health and even your spiritual health is suffering a lot from this person, then of course Islam does not force us to suffer that much. So it really is about understanding yourself and protecting your health, while trying to be pleasing to Allah (swt).

  16. ibtehal@hotmail.co.uk'
    Ibtehal

    I think this article was great! I only wish I read it earlier in life when I was tested with two toxic people. And when I was able to leave one, I was faced with another.

    The only improvement I have for this article is that the ‘prevent strategies’ should have been explained in depth. What types of prevent strategies, and how do you come up with them? Because unfortunately it’s not as easy for everyone to leave these toxic people simple because they’re a part of your life, and in these situations, you need to learn how to build a wall to keep them from hurting you.

    Lastly, Jzk for the author and anyone else who made t possible for this article to be published. It was much needed!

    1. JazakAllah Ibtehal for your kind words and helpful suggestions for the article. I agree that more “prevent strategies” would be helpful. You are right–it’s not always easy to leave toxic people. Most toxic situations are complicated and really need some thoughtful problem-solving and coping ideas.

  17. ulfakhwaja16@gmail.com'
    Ulfa

    JazakAllahuKhair for this helpful article.
    Quranic Messages always mesmerizes me. Alhumdulillah…I never ever knew that Quran and Hadith had something to say about a topic like this.
    It is so True that Allah (swt) has given us all in his Holy Book Quran.
    JazakAllahuKhair for this message. It really benefitted me.

  18. mdayubali@yahoo.comA'
    Mohammad Ayub Ali

    Beneficial & practical life touching piece of writing. hoping to get more similar writings.Zazak Allahu Khairan.

  19. Aimpanhwar@gmail.com'
    Amberina Imran

    Good article, but wouldn’t it be better if you would have also suggested how these people can be helped to become positive and better members of our family and society?

    1. Thank you for your excellent comment! I agree that this article would be better if I included more tips on helping these people. I did try to state that with spouses, it’s important to accurately understand one another. Some toxic people unfortunately will not change, but some do.

  20. freemanm457@gmail.com'

    Walikum salaam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,great article ,’Allahu Akbar’ am on daily basis dealing with such a member and as you know we dont choose families my body is aching everyday. Allah knows best

  21. danielle.aisha@hotmail.com'
    Anonymous

    Jazakallah khair! It was excellent mashAllah. I have a toxic person in my life that has been causing me much stress and I feel I am getting sick out of the contact with this person. But I cant seem to find a way to avoid this person in my life because he is my ex-husband and father of my son. Alhamdulillah nowadays I can keep contact with him in a minimum but still now he is using my son to manipulate the situation. Make du’aa for me and my son please.

    1. mohammedsalouibrasil@outlook.com'
      Anonymous

      MY corrected version : Oh Allah heal the mother of my son! She has most of the characterestics in your article .please dear Muslims brothers and Sisters pray for her to get healed from Allah…Salam aleykum sister my ex wife is the Anonymous user , she forgot that im reading most of the articles of Dr.bilal philips that i love a lot and try to follow his advices, my ex wife that i have a son with surprsingly read the same article as mine at the same time,because i was thinking of HER as the toxic person in my life since she came to canada in 2009 .
      And also because of this last sunday when i told her its written in the court contract we had a deal and that i can see my son each sunday and she responds in an angry way that im wrong and that i should only see him two times a month (talking in front of my son who was asking me why i still didn’t buy him eid presents) i stayed calm all the time as she never tries and never tried to understand my feelings and always never cared about what i feel since i married her and even when i was sad and recuperating from a big knee surgery in 2009 and from the sudden big disease of my little sister who became an handicaped person on that same moment of my knee accident and that made our whole family sad but she always never tried to listen and understand my feelings until nowadays , so i asked her to return to her mothers house who lives in another country ….
      Sister this person even stops me from having my son to sleep over with me and having him each weekends in my home and stops me from choosing to do and take my son where i want , she even stopped me from taking my son to the shopping mall to buy him Eid clothes on the day of eid! Arguing she wants to take some sisters back home..A lot of toxic behaviors in this article describes her toxic behaviours when we were a couple sister!…When it’s very simple to avoid this toxicity between us by a dialogue and actions of doing real efforts to try to understand eachothers feelings!… She NEVER tried and never tries to understand me and sticks to her misconceptions and bad judgement about me that are the roots of her bad feelings about me.This women because of her attitude with me mademe depressed and sad because she refused to come bring my son in the country that i used to live in, but i went to a psychologist and made roukia ,learned new quranic verses and prayed a lot before and after ramadan and know im stronger and improved and more positive as i always was in my life ,everybody loves me and knows me in the mosque with the help of Allah and i have more friends than her .
      -A crazy exemple: we went to take our son to the mosque happily singing all 3 togheter la illaha illallah on our way to the mosque…strangely after maghrib she totally changed and was looking for an excuse to leave the mosque: my 4 years old son had a dispute with other kids and wanted to hit them with a piece of wood and this was happening in front the uncovered ladies section from a distance of 2m from her eyes but my ex-wife instead of standing- up to stop my son : she leaves him behind her back and goes out of the mosque to get me who was 15m away sitting outside near the mosque garden with the men in a separate section and to drag me inside the mosque just to show me my son threatening a boy to hit him so i went running to stop my son, and only then she took him from me and her face started to shake and telling me i want to leave now in a loud voice and nervous tone….Who is the toxic now?..All the mosque witnessed her toxic ways,all my family from A to Z witnessed her toxic behaviour the first time she met with them:reason why i wanted to split with her the first place.
      -today i left my country to live in the country of my son so i can finally have a direct dialogue of reconciliation and to participate in my son’s education (she is blocking me from it) and also if Allah’s convinces her i can even Help her for Allah to get rid of these bad feelings about me !
      -if she refuses to improve our relation i think i will make a movie about our storysince we met and let the world judge our situation before Allah judges us on the day of Judgement who is the most toxic between us….
      -when its very simple to just open a dialogue with me and do efforts to understand for once.
      What you think sister?..I thank for your article sister as i did ban her from my life like in the article for 9 months before the birth of my son 5 years ago as she made a very bad impression to my whole family and me before i told her to come back to her parents home ..because i felt a lot of negativity from her since the first day i saw her in the airport 5years ago when she didn’t even smile to me or even hug me or kiss me since we didn’t see eachother for 3months! …I just regret to not had sent her to see a therapist instead of telling her to go back to her parentts home as she became worse than before with me and my son is victim of her negativity towards me as i was too because he is followed by a therapist since 3 years old and the fact that i lived in another country and her refusal to comeback togheter 2 years ago for our son’s mental health affected my son until today as he is feels something missing in his life by being able to see me every day or every weekend as he mentions to me at 5 years old he wants to be always with me and his mom everyday…Our mariage went a part because my ex wife’s negative toxic thinking and i tried to come back with her to be able to help her heal from these feelings by using therapy and Islamic ways to make her feel better as she is avoiding these type of emotional healing ways by locking herself in her mothers house with my son all week.
      What should i do sister, this person always think bad of me even when i make jokes with her and smile and buy her presents since the day we got married until today even if we are separated ?…I really want to apply the dialogue solution but she prefers to talk about this to strangers instead of me…

      1. Wa alaikum as salam Brother, I hear the sadness and disappointment in your email. As you know, you are not alone and many people experience marital heartbreak. May Allah help you and bless you and help all the Muslims.

  22. doc.nudrat@gmail.com'
    Nudrat Farheen

    Assalam alaikum. I have some toxic people arround me. They vary in intensity. The friends i can choose to keep or avoid so i cut off slowly and silently from them so that if they message i reply in two three usual lines but dont go deep into friendly chat. But family and relatives have haq. Subhan Allah. I cannot cut off from very near ones. Easy way is to have my own little things in life to do and be busy with so im very less available to have mental affect of negativity arround me. I have friends whom i call my “sinkholes” and i talk to them when my quota of tolerance is about to blow off. And i have shamelessly yet bravely spoken on face to so e of them that they cannot just put shit arround me and fill my life with negatjvity and expect me to return positivity…. i am not interested in this level of ehsaan…. (they need to hear that they are not top priority in our lives, myself is first) . And believe me most of toxic people have potential for improvement…its just that we must have guts to show them the mirror and stand firm to their ego for few minutes without fighting fire with fire….. i remember that goodness to wrongdoer is to stop him/her from wrongdoing…..thats my aim for negatjve people arround me whom i really love or who have loads of ehsaan on me otherwise….

    1. Wa alaikum as salam wr wb Nudrat! Thank you very much for your honest and wise comment. It seems that you have some excellent ways to cope with negative people. I agree that we cannot cut off family. I also agree that it is good to tell people how you feel rather than just holding the feelings inside. Yes there is a hadith that we help oppressors by preventing them from committing their injustices. It does take guts to stand up to toxic people’s behaviors. Great points, mashAllah.

  23. lovekpsmiling@gmail.com'
    Choco

    NO support are more important than HIS, everything is worth to do to earn HIS love :) nothing worth comes easy, whatever problems we have it’s nothing for Allah, n when you have HIM you have EVERYTHING <3 Jazakillah khair for sharing :)

  24. zahara.ambreen@gmail.com'
    Zahra

    Asalamoalakum wa rehmatAllah
    Great article!I think it can become more beneficial if you can include some example situations in which normal people confront toxic people.For example very common toxic behaviour of in laws with daughter in law or grown up children towards parents or even of a spouse who doubts too much or a mother in law who restrains basic necessities of life to her daughter in law supported by her son…etc.How one should deal with every different situation can be discussed.Thankyou.

    1. Wa alaikum as salam warahmatuallah wabarakatu Zahra! Thank you for your comment! I totally agree that the article would be better with examples of real life situations/how to talk to toxic people. I will consider your idea for future articles in shaa Allah.

  25. ninjamumsie@gmail.com'
    Samiya

    I have read articles similar to this, same points etc, Quranic ayats references etc.

    Alhamdulillah, that is all well and beneficial.

    I feel the article has ‘brushed’ on the topic of how to deal with such people in real life situations. A more thorough approach , how to deal with such people. some people one cannot cut out of their lives, but being around them makes one physically sick, what does one do? What does one do, when it is your MIL, and FIL after 20 years of marriage telling your spouse and children what a horrible individual you are. Such is the toxicity level.

    Islam says, do not break ties with family . Please provide a positive approach how to deal with constant nagging, put downs, sarcasm, daily drama.

    People do not change, but want to ruin you, destroy you.

    Awaiting strategies to deal with this.

    1. Thank you, Samiya, for your honest comment. I agree that Islam does teach us to keep up family ties. However, Islam does allow divorce for a reason. Islam does allow us to keep a distance with certain family members. Yes, we should look for ways to improve family relations, but Islam does not tell us to destroy our health in the process. Every situation is different so it’s hard to give advice for each situation. If a relationship is negatively affecting your relationship with Allah (swt) by bringing your health down or other reasons, then I think that your relationship with Allah and to Islam is more important.

  26. arshiya_shahbaz@yahoo.co.in'
    Umm manha

    Jazaki allahu Khairsn katheerah
    very much needed advises.
    really its v difficult to deal wih such people when they are closely related to us.
    may Allah guide us n give strength to us to deal with them…aameen

  27. Smusruk@gmail.com'
    Syed

    Thank you so much for teaching us a very good thing which is really important of our daily life.Please Share more about Islam and specially about prophet Muhammad(pubh) life story.May Almighty Allah grant you and your family in Jannat…

    1. Thank you Syed for your kind words! Yes I hope to right more articles in shaa Allah that talk about Islam and our beloved Prophet’s (pbuh) life. May Allah grant you and your family Jannat too.

  28. selina_akhter@hotmail.com'
    Selina

    zazak Allahu khair. i have a toxic relationship with a family member(blood related). She abused me whole time and you describe her very well like she asked forgiveness and do the same thing. She do lot of emotional blackmail as well. as she is very close relationship I can not ignore her, but as soon I remember i have to call her ,talk to her,my heart shrinks,stress increase, peace reduced and she hindered me a lot. What should i do?

    1. Wa iyaa kum, Selina. I am sorry to hear of your toxic relationship and may Allah (swt) bless you for your patience. Of course, pray to Allah (swt) about this member while at the same time you must take some actions to protect your inner peace. Perhaps find ways to avoid this person if you can. Do you really have to call her?
      I will pray for you.

  29. dzilzikra@gmail.com'
    Riyah aka Puziah

    I wish to learn how to deal with toxic people sometimes they make me feel bad. I get over it fast but seeing them once a while make me want to hide. Anyway, it is good to ask Allah Azza Wajal to correct me first. In sha Allah.Aameen

  30. lost-gul@live.com'
    Amal

    Asssalam o alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, the article is very well written ma sha Allaah. JazakAllahu khairan for highlighting such part of our tough lives. Sister, I would like to request you (i really really appreciate your efforts) can you more elaborate the part with deeling toxic relatives? tips and advices? since the paragraph was not enough for me. I would like more info on it sister. It will be very nice of you to shed some light and give some advices/suggestions/tips to follow concerning the relatives whom we cannot ignore/cut our ties with.

    1. Wa alaikum As salam warahmatullahi wa barakatuhu dear Amal, wa iyaa kum and thank you for your comment. Yes I agree that the article did not go into depth about toxic relatives. Many people have commented about the issue of toxic family members. In shaa Allah I will try to write an article soon about this topic.

    1. Thank you for your comment, Ebyan. You ask an excellent question. So dealing with parents is a very important subject in Islam. We must treat our parents with respect and affection, but we can also “take breaks” from our parents if their toxic behaviors are becoming too much for us to handle. So the best strategy (in my opinion) is to protect your ability to treat toxic parents with respect by “taking breaks” from them (spending time away from them to recover your inner peace).

  31. halimabg@yahoo.com'
    halima

    Masha’Allah that is how to deal with toxic relationship family or friends they are everywhere and is very disturbing. Jazak Allah Khairan

  32. farhan.najeeb@gmail.com'
    Tears for years

    SAWRWB. Toxic family, I have dealt for decades. They’re also emotionally manipulating family members and they wanted us to leave now, so they started insulting my immediate family. I know it is not right and, being human (may Allah forgive me), I did fire back but for them to keep the insults on me and not my family. We’re planning to leave but certain constraints have severely limited our options. We seek Allah’s guidance and hope HE can create a path forward. Please do pray for us.

    1. Wa alaikum as salam wr wb Tears for years, thank you for your comment. I will certainly pray for you. I understand why you felt the need to fire back. Indeed all openings are from Allah (swt). He will help you I am sure. May Allah bless you for your patience.

  33. Lindaroos.7@gmail.com'
    Linda. r

    Salaam,

    Such a good article for me to read as Right now I’m facing such toxic situation dealing wt my business and career growth. It’s getting even worst when I’m trying to be positive as much as I could but end up being frustrating cos of my spouse and family giving the negative input towards me.

    Well Atleast after reading your article I believes being positive is one thing but I guess I should be forgiving for their negative acts against me. InsyaAllah they will be a positive ending on my current situation .
    JazakAllah khair

    Thank you.

  34. palokraj@gmail.com'
    Md Kamal Hossain

    ZAK. It’s really helpful cause everyone in this world need face toxic people in day to day life. As a Muslim we should know how to handle them according to Quran and Hadith. I’m facing two toxic people currently. This will really made me more confident to deal with them. May Allah protect us and give us strength to face them. Please keep me in your pray. Thanks to Allah.

  35. Shagufthaarif2@googlemail.com'
    Shaguftha

    Thank you I really needed this today. It’s very benefit ful and helpful in many way. May Allah reward for sharing this information and for the person for writing this information. Jazakhallah Khair

  36. halimabg@yahoo.com'
    Halimah Bustani

    Masha’Allah, that is exactly the way to deal with a toxic relationship, friends or family indeed they are real and they are everywhere. Jazak Allah Khairan.

  37. asriothman@gmail.com'
    Asri Othman

    Be firm on your decision not to join their company or ventures. Because sometimes they are very persuasive and persistent. Once you realize that you’re dealing with one of them, try your best avoiding them and ask help from Allah.

  38. sherbutterfly@gmail.com'
    benazir

    I suffered a lot from toxic people… i cried a lot… i tried to keep family ties only for the sake of allah… these toxic relatives dont give me peace even when i am pregnant… always they keep on harrasing and insulting me. I am also a human with all weakness… now i avoid them totally…i fear only allah… why should i fear them…. allah give freedom to live…i am the slave of allah alone… when i started avoiding toxic people from my life alhamdulillah now i have peace… please include us in your dua… may allah bless us with a pious child.. ameen

  39. mtmi2006@gmail.com'
    gloria

    Assalamm alalikum
    Thank you so much for your wisdom..ALHAMDULILLAH. this came just in time in my suffering. From a toxic. 1 yr relationship with a Muslim. boy..i loved him more then myself. And i believed. All his lies.But i promise. myself. if it was the same a year later i would. Leave him.And he is trying. To make me feel guilty. For leaving. His side .But i know deep down that he wont marry me.So i leave him for the sake of Allah.And when i start to think of him.i think of Allah instead..Because. i know im worthy. Of a good king sweet heart.And i am patient.

  40. ykebato@gmail.com'
    Yusuf

    Jzk may Allah reward you and Increase Your knowledge.May Allah sw also make us among the dwellers of janatul firdows..

  41. abedaenu@hotmail.com'
    Ac

    My husbands brothers wife is very toxic. She never thinks before she speaks and doesn’t care about how it will affect anybody. I would prefer to stay away from her and avoid any contact with her but would that b wrong?

    1. Dear Ac, thank you for your comment. I am sorry to hear that you are facing a toxic relative. In my humble opinion, I don’t think it’s wrong to avoid contact with your husband’s brother’s wife.

  42. aslamvengalam@gmail.com'
    Aslam

    Assalamu alaikkum ..

    Masha Allah…Jazakallah khair..this article is a Helping tool…with Prayer ,Allah will consider is a good deed..

  43. fatimafarooqbhatti@outlook.com'
    fatima

    I love your article. It has helped me in many ways I can’t even imagine.
    I have faced many toxic people in my life. Once I tried to fix a toxic person, I thought I could so him some good,but in turn I was affected deeply and eventually I stoped talking to him and avoided him. I was confused many times.but Allah helped me and I remained patient . Alhumdulillah thanks to Allah I got to read and understand such words. I hope to follow this in my life. In sha Allah.
    JazakAllah

  44. runa.ali61@yahoo.com'
    Rukhsana

    Assalam o alikum
    Jzakallah
    It was great to read this article.Actually these are hidden culprits in our society which needs to be at surface now.we(Muslims brothers and sisters)inshAllah will bring these issues to attention in order to save peace in our society.people think that west has provided them freedom but its actually Islam more liberal and more freedom giving but not beyond limits.

  45. sabby1985@yahoo.com'

    Jazaak Allahu khair….this is really helpful real wanted this, In Shaa Allah will apply the techniques n follow the advice….surely we all deserve to be in a healthy relationship…….shukrani shukrani

  46. ashraf.rizwana@gmail.com'
    Rizwana Ashraf

    Sir Jazak Allah Khair. Seems its a great help for me from Allah SWT by U bcoz i was seriously looking for such kind of mater piece in the light of Quran and Hadith and Allah solved my problem. Alhumdulillah
    .

  47. belma.filipovic@muslim.se'
    benevolent filantropsson

    after, being an extremely emphatetic atheist, having dealt with toxic atheists and muslims, and being guided to islam… you find yourself being so much affected by toxic people from your past and present, that you have a look at yourself and are horrified to see… another toxic muslim, looking back at you from the mirror.

    1. Thank you, Benevolent Filantropsson for your comment. You make a very true point. If we allow ourselves to be exposed to too many toxic people, we may become toxic people ourselves. May Allah (swt) protect us and help us, Ameen.

  48. Alajla@hotmail.com'
    Houda

    Good article, very inspiring. I have dealt with toxic people all my life until the point that it drained me out. I litterally am stuck and don’t look at those toxic people but question myself and my personality, because of everything that has happend. I’m the one who always sticks to the Islamic etiquite, but toxic people take advantage of that and strike even harder. It sucked all the energy and strength out of me that I feel as if I have no strength left. I don’t regret my input in these relationships, because my intentions were always good. Unfortunately it wasn’t the other way around.

    1. Thank you, Houda for your comment. I totally understand how toxic people have left you feeling drained. Yes, toxic people can even take advantage of our devotion to Islamic etiquette. This is a great point. May Allah (swt) bless you for your good intentions.

  49. dr_raana@yahoo.com'
    Raana

    My observation reading the comments…so many toxic people around….Astaghfirullah. ..Maybe there should be an article to help us recognise signs of toxicity within ourselves …nip the evil in the bud…May Allah help us all..my mother is very sick dealing with toxicity of my father…even I am a victim every time I try to take care of her…please pray for my mother..she is old and weak but still suffering

  50. zaheer_faiza@yahoo.com'
    F.

    I am currently dealing with same problem with a family member and I had Ask Allah to guide me the best way to deal with it the situation I am currently in. Your article is actually answer to my worries.
    Thank you so much!

  51. mimi_joreena@mhe-demag.com'
    Servant of Allah

    Yes, I am currently having a toxic in my own family. I have a problem with my marriage. But my siblings cannot understand my pressure and stress. They keep on give me pressure as I have to follow their advice even it is against religion. Of course I don’t want to follow their advice. So they have influence my mom and make my mom to hate me too. Now I become more stressful as supposedly they give me support because my marriage will destroy but with this situation I become disobey to my husband and impolite to my mom…Can you imagine how stressful I am…Only Allah knows how I feel right now.

    1. Dear Servant of Allah, I am sorry to hear of the stress you are feeling right now. May Allah (swt) reward you for your patience and steadfastness. Family problems are often the most difficult problems in life. I am sure that Allah (swt) will grant you ease after this hardship, in shaa Allah. I will pray for you.

  52. kazimmuhammad01@gmail.com'
    Muhammad Kazim

    Ma Shaa Allah! The article is very useful.
    Thank You for sharing.
    May Allah bless you with the good of this life and the hereafter. Ameen

  53. simplenagpal786@gmail.com'
    Simi

    Asalam Alaikum, Jazak Allah Khairan for such a beneficial article. It came across my eyes just when they were in tears.
    Though I understand in this busy life no one on social media would be interested in any one’s personal life. But I would share my personal hurt. I am a non-muslim and wanted to marry a Muslim. It was he who guided me towards Allah (swt). I cant now ever turn back from Allah (swt) ever. Now after reading Islam I came to know that such relations are forbidden. As I have been demanding for marriage soon, and the same is being delayed from the other side, not refused, but delayed, so much delayed that it took 7 years of my life demanding for marriage, causing so much stress to me and my family. Still it is not being refused but being delayed from his family because of some vague reasons of theirs, just delayed and delayed. It has made me so much frustrated that finally I decided not to respond back ever and to give up. Today morning I saw your article. I am so much in pain and confused. Your article gave me motivation. Allah (swt) bless you. I am always praying to Allah (swt) and always try to be patient. But some people ruin our lives so much. Jazak Allah Khair for such a helpful write up.

  54. faisal.nasrat1@hotmail.com'

    Jazak Allah khairan for this beutiful article yeah toxic people are stress may Allah protwct us and reward you for this article.
    Aameen
    Shiekh salam sumer do you have facebook if yes what is it.
    May Allah swt reward billal phillips and grant you both jannah for this article and the beutiful IOU.

    1. Wa iyaa kum Faisal. JazakAllah khair for your kind words. Actually I am not a sheikh; I am simply a Muslim sister with a degree in counseling who hopes to benefit her ummah in some way. May Allah (swt) bless you for your encouragement and duas as well as bless Sheikh Bilal Phillips and the IOU staff, ameen.

  55. mohammed.fayyazuddin@gmail.com'

    Assalaamu Alaikum Warahmatullaahi Wabarakatuhu!
    Really very meaningful and upto the point article related to the subject. This is really a need of the hour because dealing with this kind of people is became a head ache for me and it is effecting my health as well. After reading your article and the knowing the versus of Quran, it change my mindset.

    May Allah reward you in DEEN and DUNIYA for this great job.
    Thank you

  56. inshafmalik@yahoo.com'
    Inshaf

    Salam , Masha Allah valuable advice. May allah swt increase our knowledge in everything. Currently I am going through toxic family members. This article is very useful, when it comes to family members it’s very difficult and we need more patience. Allah swt says and prophet mohammed saw taught us increase our bond with family members. So it’s quite difficult to balance. Again Allah swt says “we will test every soul, and he is telling us seek guidance through patience. Again key for every success is PATIENCE. May Allah swt give us patience in every breath Ameen ya rab. Jazakulkhair for your wonderful article. May Allah swt increase your knowledge ameen ya rab…

  57. jamilalabi1@gmail.com'
    Jamil

    JazakALLAHU Khairan dear sister, it was a good article and I pray that Almighty ALLAH Guide us all and give us the ability to follow the right way through the right people. May Almighty ALLAH Reward you abundantly

  58. ejaz.mirza@gmail.com'
    EM

    Assalam Alaykum,

    When in case of Toxic spouse
    1. we need to also evaluate how the partner was chosen (on which parameters) and if their were objectives which were more worldly, it will have impact on the way two people treat each other. So if the worldly objectives were reason then one needs to be more patient and talk out the changes than needs to be done.
    2. If the personality of spouse if an issue then Dua and patience is both needed in abundance but it is in some way important to inform subtly or directly to a change needed in the behaviour. Which is not easy but talking about the “elephant in the room” will always ease out the situation.

  59. asmach@msn.com'
    Asma

    Loved the article..jzk
    So happy that someone has taken psychological aspect of life from islamic perspective.. i appreciate your good work

  60. beauty2010@outlook.com'
    L.khan

    Jazak’Allah reading this has made me feel less guilty in removing myself from a very controlling toxic person. In Sha Allah I can live and pray peacefully without the negativity I’ve been enduring for the past years. May Allah fulfil our righteous prayers and guide us through our difficult times Ameen

  61. sadiafarook@yahoo.com'
    sadia

    jazakillah I learn a lot from this artical how to deal with toxic person I also want to talk to u do u have any contacts no may I have u contact u r doing a great job

  62. ashraf.rizwana@gmail.com'

    Sir Jazak Allah Khair. Seems its a great help for me from Allah SWT by U bcoz i was seriously looking for such kind of mater piece in the light of Quran and Hadith and Allah solved my problem. Alhumdulillah.

  63. Estesevans1990@gmail.com'
    Dr.Husam

    Awsome article ! I can add the azkar of day and evening as they R known to prevent from the evil of human and jins as in reciting sourah Alnas .imam bin baz said we need these azkar more than we need eating and drinking .

  64. eaai1234@gmail.com'
    RA Bayyinah

    This is a beautiful article…It gives me an insight on how to deal with people of such behaviours in accordance to Islam.

  65. maxi888@hotmail.com'
    Denise Elkady

    Jazakala Khair. The article deals with issues relevant to every day interactions and support constructs from our Quran. I have shared it with my daughter who I am sure will benefit greatly. May Allah continue to guide you in wisdom to touch and guide even more people’s lives.

  66. Mohamedolad43@gmail.com'
    Mohamed Ibrahim

    Assalam aleikum..??

    This article has made me realise that am anot the only person who has been facing toxic and hasid people whole of my life..Only Allah knows why but i have been a victim of hasid people ..Everywhre i go including school people become negative to me naturally from that moment they see me. Many times the Evil eye and whisper of thse toxic people has affected me and nowadays i read the three qusl and ayatul qusr hopping for protection against em whenever i leave the house to deal with worldly matters.InshaAllah now i have copping strategies i am gna implement and endure more prayers and patiency and avoid em as mucj as i can insha Allah .Shukran for the motivation and confidence to deal with toxic people for the rest of my whole life :)

  67. Dolphigirl_90@yahoo.com'
    Rehana Begum

    Assalamualaikum.
    I am in situation like this with my toxic spouse. I maintain patience with him from the time i realised this is the best way. He repeats. He wins. Is there any end to this?
    Jazak Allah khayr for your kind words and helpful suggestions. I think more preventive strategies on toxic spouse would be helpful.

  68. Idaalward33366@gmail.com'
    Amina

    This article seems lik is talking to me. I been experiencing this for along time. I’m overwhelm with stress. But your article woke me up. Thank u. ( wonderful)

  69. shanaazjeebhai@gmail.com'
    Shanaaz

    Assalaamu’alaykum
    Dear Sister Sheima
    Alhamdulillah your article could not have appeared to me at a more opportune time! Jazaakillaah khairan! Wallaah it is just what set my mind and soul at ease! Please could you provide your email address if I wish to communicate further with you?

  70. avenged_2808@hotmail.co.uk'
    shabana

    Assalam alaykum. what an amazing article. I loved it. My mother in law is toxic to me. She has brought out the worst in me. I have become a horrible person. I live with her and I have a daughter. Unfortunately recently she became a widow so me and my husband can not leave her also she believes sons must live with there parents even when they are married. Me and my husband are perfect for each other but unfortunately she is causing stress on my marriage. My husband is not happy when he looks at me. I live in my bedroom and try to avoid her but I have a daughter she loves her granma but granma has a strange way of looking after her…yesterday she was sitting on her mobile whilst my daughter ate from her bin. She is a cancer in my life and whatever I do she will always be there ruining my marriage.

    1. Wa alaikum as salam dear Sis. Shabana. Thank you for your kind words. I am really sorry to hear of your toxic mother in law. I will certainly pray to Allah to grant you an opening for this difficult situation.

  71. fruity.fr68@gmail.c'
    Fatima

    Salam.JazakAllah khair.really I thank you from the depth of my heart.This article led me to reassurance and guidance which I’ve been needing regarding this matter for such a long time.I really am grateful to you.May Allah bless you in every way.
    Ameen.

  72. kollytiba@gmail.com'
    Abu Abdallah Sulayman

    MashaAllah……………this is so inspiring and full of wisdom. However, just as you said you need to understand yourself before you can understand others.Knowing who you are and what you want will determine how you deal with others.Another strategy is involving more of your time in what you love doing ,this will help aleviate the stress caused by “toxic” people and give less of their memories.

    JazakumuLLahu kaeran jazaka!

  73. suhairiahmad@yahoo.co.id'
    Ahmad Suhairi

    Jazakallah khairan kathiran fi dunya wal akhirah.
    Keep say salaam to toxic people may Allah gives hidayah and open their hearts. So, they will know the meaning of Islam is…PEACE

  74. carlamichelle.art@gmail.com'
    Carla

    MashaAllah, this is a fantastic article. It really fills you with encouragement and positivity in the face of dealing with something so negative. May Allah make it easy for us to benefit from these experiences and take on valuable lessons from our trials, Ameen. Jazakhallah Khair sister Sheima for sharing your wisdom with us, may it be a benefit to you and all your readers, Ameen.

  75. NSPOLY@GMAIL.COM'
    Na

    Assalamu alaikum . My name is Na.. and I live in Canada but originally from Bangladesh. I’ve been living away from my country and from my mom/dad/siblings for 17 years and same as my husband. I need to explain something about both of our family background for my real fact. My husband and I both cousin from my moms side. My mother in law and my mom is sister. My husband is only one son of his family, with 2 sisters, one is elder and another one is younger. Myself has 3 brothers, all of them are my elder and me is 4th and my younger sister who is 24 years old and 12 years younger than me and she’s still unmarried. Me and my husband had affair and later it turned into family marriage, though my mother in law and my husband’s younger sister never accept me as their family member till now, because of my dad. My dad got married when we all siblings are about to marry and after my marriage. Anyway, My husband’s dad died when they all 3 siblings were very little. And they did many struggles with relatives support. Gradually my husband’s families now are standing very good position. Since My husband finished his study and got a job he stand by his mother as should be and his elder sister’s bcoz her financial condition was not well 18 years ago. And his younger sister was always solvent so she did need any help. However, 18 years later everything has been changed, his elder sister now millioner as his younger sister too, and their emotion, affection love changed for us too! We have been staying abroad, we have 2 children now. As my husband is only son, living in abroad so he must support his mom financially and he’s doing continually. my husband giving his mom monthly cost as she needed but she staying with her younger daughter, who always against me since my marriage and keep saying against us. she doesn’t want my children to keep contact with their grand ma! This is very shocking and heart breaking for us. my husband did not want to stay his mom with his sister as he known to his sister very well. And always keep saying why my husband does not send more money to his mom, we should not do that or those (recently my husband just talked to his sister) . When my husband call to his mom, and talk, after that he became very upset and myself too. So now a day my husband calls his mom twice a month, which was used to be once every week. I am third time pregnant right now but when I was first time pregnant, it was 8/9 years later of my marriage, my husband’s family keep saying “ I am not able to get a baby!” but when Allah SW: giving me blessing child now this third time pregnancy my mother in law never talk to me about that even I called her and told her about that she ignored me, when I see this kind of rude attitude from her got very sick and mentally disrupted, my husband too. As I am the only daughter in law! My husband elder sister financial condition changed and her emotion and love also changed for brother. She did not keep relation with my husband and became very arrogance.
    Nevertheless, my any pregnancy I never got a wishes phone call both my family( mom/Dad or brother-sister) or my any law’s family, everyone has all facility to contact me but none of them did as they all expecting “ We have to do this , We should do this and this is our duty to do everything for them”. By the way, my all siblings are in Bangladesh, some doing job some of them doing nothing, because they always expecting that me and my husband should do for them or send money for them or bring them abroad, we should do it (this is their mentality) as my Dad got married, he always keep himself distance from any family matters and now he’s expecting from me that I should support them, sending money. My mom has some properties, a condo and my Dad and my siblings want me to keep away from my right. Though they all staying there and taking money. I am not wary of that but my sadness is why my parents and my siblings’ expectation from me and do not keep good healthy relation with my husband and my children!? My husband is older than all of 3 elder brothers and he is also cousins too but my brothers always treat my husband as a younger sister husband and never respect him! Now My mom also supporting them and listening them, as she was not like that. My younger sister does not want my mom to close to me… you won’t believe but it is a sad truth and bitter truth! She is controlling my moms financial condition and does not pray or not caring about Islam so much , she did not finish Quran, if she keep contact with me, I always use to tell her about pray and do not do this or that as a elder sister so she does not like those advice. Actually you know All of them are very jealous of me as I am living in Canada, they are not , but is that my fault or is should be the status of brother/sister relation?

    As the life getting very busy and costly, here with two kids my husband and I doing everything from my pregnancy to raising them. Even I always keep thinking about all of them and trying our best to keep contact as I want to keep contact with relatives but whenever I called my family or my husband talk to his mom or sister after that we became very sick mentally, emotionally and stressed, can’t sleep. You know what , we cannot say anything to our mom right, even they say something bad or illogical to us, and we are totally unable to show our true situation. Because our both side siblings are keep saying against us as they are staying with of our mom. Our moms believe them totally. 2011 we visited Bangladesh with our two children for the first time after they born. We faced many things, as we always keep talking over the phone rather met them. 8 years later as we met we felt everything changed even I cut my hand myself for my sister’s trouble and fight with me, it’s a long story sister… I can’t explain you! Only Allah know everything, my husband and myself!
    I feel my own family my mom dad brother sister and my husband mom and two sister all of them are very jealous and even does not want with us any relation, if we do not contact them. And whenever we contact with them we get very stressed and sad upset. Myself and my husband taking deep depression medication since 2011 visit and recently my husband has going through other physical problem. What should we do as we have to contact with our moms at least, but our mom want us to keep contact with our both side siblings and should do our responsibly ! and my mother in law always keep mental pressure to talk to his sisters. Myself now staying at home and every single time I am afraid of ALLAH if Allah angry on us if our moms saying bad dua for us and I become very frustrated and cry all the time. But when I talk to them, that also hurt us believe me sister both our moms does not have any emotion or empathy for my children as my innocent children always keep asking us about their Bangladeshis relative/cousins/grandparents… it is a quite hard time for us which make me more sad! What should we do sister please let me know…. Me and my husband struggling too much… You may think , “ why I am telling all bad things about my own parents and siblings and my husband’s, why both family members all of them are against us!?” Actually you know me and my husband also do not know what is the real fault of us? Is that we are away from them for long years? Or is that they emotion changed by time? Or is that something else… Sister I am very frustrated and always seeking ALLAH SWT help, Allah knew everything even I could not explain you 18 years experience .I need you suggestion, how should we keep relation with them and should we do? As TOXIC family members brought our life TOXIC even they are far from us! You can ignore outside family members or normal relatives but it is pretty hard to avoid your blood! I am suffering sister please help me…. If you need to know anything else pls let me know.

    I am apologize for my large email and wrong writing methods.

    1. NSPOLY@GMAIL.COM'
      Na

      sister I sent you email and message here, which one you will get first In Sha ALlah. I need your great help suggestions and counselling. thanks Jazakallah khair

  76. sholaminah@live.com'
    Aminat

    This article is just on point. I’m presently dealing with toxic people who are my family members. It’s really tasking and frustrating. I pray almighty Allah help me in this difficult period.

  77. flamemasterda1@yahoo.com'
    huzon

    I think we can all be toxic in a good and bad way… Why not be a good toxic but sometimes u have bad toxics around u and u actually care for them… Best way suxh as avoid less and less meetings such as drugs and going out spending money is a big issue for awhile so if u remind ur self and the bad toxics… Eventually that person will be a good toxic and teach them dont just leave them they arebyour responsibility… But when things dont change ur meetings will definetly be diff.. Less small talks.. And good byes… But they just might realize u nvr know

  78. mohammedsalouibrasil@outlook.com'
    anonymous

    Thank you sister, great article that gave me confindence and proofs i understand the Beauty of Islam..Can i have your e-mail please ,,,i would love to hear your advices?

  79. ayu.swaningrum@gmail.com'
    Ayu

    Thank you for the enlightment. Could I contact you, perhaps to make some research or articles? or having light conversation about Islam more. thank you.

  80. consultant.khan@gmail.com'
    KIM

    Assalamualaikum,

    This article is very beneficial and worth reading repeatedly. I have tried to weigh my actions in the light of this article and wanted to reach out to you for some help. Below is my concern.

    I am not sure if people feel that I am a toxic person for them. But I am currently experiencing, a guy at my workplace who is causing a lot of stress to me with his behavior. Most of the times I end up with an argument and feel guilty and I even apologize but later same things repeat. Does this mean that I am myself toxic to others? I am experiencing all the problems that you have mentioned are caused due to stress created by toxic people. Every time the same question keeps coming up in my mind, that if the people whom I think are toxic to me; feel or have the same feeling about me.

    The more I try to distance from useless talk, I feel I am dragged into discussions about the toxic people who are part of my work life and this is affecting my personal, professional & religious life. Please suggest a way out of this.

    Jazak Allahu Khaira.

    1. Wa alaikum as salam dear Kim,

      Thank you for your comment! I think it’s great that you are introspecting and even wondering if you may be seen as toxic to others. After all, we are all human and we do have toxic moments at times…

      I am not sure if you are really toxic, but just the fact that you are aware that you may be a toxic person is a sign that you are not that toxic, since really toxic people lack self awareness.

      It sounds like you don’t want to be around useless talk about other toxic people. This is a great desire on your part and actually quite Islamic, since Islam teaches us to never backbite/gossip…

      Do you think you are able to leave such useless conversations?
      Why do you think you apologize for possibly toxic behavior and then you might do the same behavior again?

      Your sis,
      Sheima

  81. Lamabrah@gmail.com'
    Lamees

    SubhaanAllah and jazaakAllah khair to everyone’s good input. In my experience, I try to remain focused and positive on my goals and aspirations and of course “toxic” / challenging people are all a part of our tests. I.e how we in turn respond to these people. I’m always inspired by the polite and effective ways the prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) dealt with all the “toxic” people that he saw was exposed to. And so just in my life what I practically do, is decide on the best and most polite and least damaging way to put up healthy boundaries with challenging people, so that I can continue to fulfill my responsibilities and stay in the sabr and shukr frame of mind that is necessary in this life. Of course, some days are more challenging and one does feel those trickles of irritation, but then we should aspire to seek refuge in Allah, make a big sincere intention in our hearts and then stay calm enough to respond in a way pleasing to Allah no matter how upset we are. This way we are not riddled with guilt or remorse for our reactive and angry outbursts, but more in control of what we allow to affect us and how we allow it to control our lives. In my experience this has become much easier with time and practice, and truly empowering. Allah really does make it easier for those who strive for His sake alone. In Shaa Allah may Allah make this a habit of ours, and then when we are hit with a test we are ready and well equipped with the tools necessary to pass our tests in Shaa Allah ameen:-)

  82. ahtishamullah@hotmail.co.uk'
    ahtisham ullah

    1. i find my self very unfit in the community . people have wronged me . i dont like relationship with fake people . so the people with whom i spend some time in my class say that i am too straight forward person due to the reason i have no friends .i find myself alone , i think it is better to be alone than to be with the company of useless nonproductive people whom company causes me go astray from remembering ALLAH . I try to guide them but fails and if i join their company their chances of becoming righteous seems less and my chances of going astray increases .
    my heart has no space for people whom wrong others . my heart is filled with rage and anger towards people and i am sort of disconnected with the community . i find myself quite comfortable with the people who are comited to ALLAH and practicing muslims .
    please guide me and pray that ALLAH may give me company of the people whom he loves .

    2. i also feels hate in my speech and in my heart towards people who practice wrong islam ( people of bidd’ah) and the people with wrong religious beliefs . I dont start debate with these people but i try to guide the people whom i think have a soft corner and are ready to listen to me .one of my friend ask me that i must not have them after all they are my brothers .
    i ask you how can i get myself out of this anxiety ? how can i love those people for the sake of ALLAH ? should i not discuss these matters which are disagreeable and have difference of opinion among us muslims and only talk on getting towards ALLAH no matter through which path ? As the muslim ummah i already declining due to these divisions . please advice me

    1. Dear Ahtisham, I agree with you. It is better to be alone than to be around people who take you away from the remembrance of Allah (swt). I think it is very normal to feel the way you do, and I think it’s great that you feel more comfortable around practicing Muslims. This is a good thing! I also think you are right to try to teach people who are actually open to listening to you.

      I understand that you want to love all people for the sake of Allah (swt). This is a great desire on your part. My thought is that you need to take care of your imaan first. If you feel anxiety and distress from being around certain people, then I hope you would avoid those people. May Allah (swt) help you and give you righteous company, ameen.

  83. umme_alam@yahoo.com'
    umme

    As salamu alaikum. I have toxic in-laws. Can’t even forget how dreadful they were! But Alhamdulillah, ALLAHSWT answered my prayer and patience. I have an opportunity now from my creator, my LORD ALLAHSWT to take a deep peaceful breath! ALHAMDULILLAH! Please Everybody pray for me so that, i would bow my head only to my creator not to someone. And i can die in the city of our Beloved Prophet Muhammad salallahu alaihi wa sallam.

    JazakAllah khairan.

  84. emma.patten@gmail.com'
    Reem Haddad

    While I think this post is well intended, I strongly advise one to consider how the blending of Islamic values and Western psychological discourse is dangerous. The very use of the word “toxic” people is problematic, and echos of oppressive Western medical discourses.

    If you knew the history and the critiques of Western psychology and the medicalization/taxonomy of human phenomena, then perhaps you would reconsider what you wrote. The categorization of human emotions into “diseases” and “pathologies” by Western medical officials from the 19th century is a discourse (it is not a universal truth). In fact, these discourses of pathologies (such as”bipolar disorder”) is dangerous, as it treats them as purely biological entities that can be “fixed” by medicines or therapy (in reality, these “disorders” are socially created –an economically unequal system that marginalizes vast populations can creates mental health issues. I suggest reading the iconic anti-colonialist writer Franz Fenon, a Black psychiatrist who began to critique his own profession and colonialism as a whole. He wrote “The Wretched of the Earth,” and “Black Faces, White Masks” and argued that colonial oppression on marginalized groups caused mental “conditions” –in other words, these conditions were not biological, and moreover, medical treatment for these “disorders” were essentially a continuation of oppression (the “treatment” is essentially a way to numb people by virtue of medicine or quarantine — and thus the oppressive social conditions continue on).

    I suggest you look into this critique, as there is a wealth of academic critique on Western medical discourses

  85. ktfebinaster@gmail.com'
    sabih

    Excellent advice..but sadly the toxic person in my life is very close to my spouse and demands my contact with the person on a regular basis..eventhough my husband is understanding…i am sure he will get hurt if i avoid the person…

  86. ummruqaiyaa@gmail.com'
    Umm Ruqaiya

    Asalam-o-alaikum wa rehmatullah ☺

    Jazakillahu khairan katheeran for writing this article. Rarely are such topics brought to the table, though we need these more and more. Also, it’s great to have someone with background in psychology and deep understanding of deen address this topic. It’s painful how people with no knowledge of psychology get up and start advising that “just be patient.” And somehow there is this belief that if someone is trying to practice deen properly they should be at the epitome of patience and should bear everything without doing any effort whatsoever. It’s another painful fact that many times if a sister says that she is getting psychologically affected by her in laws or relatives or someone and that is even affecting her physical health, even people close to her start saying things like: u just hate them, it’s due to ur hormones, shaitan is trapping u, etc. As though never can the other side be at fault.

    I would like to know coping techniques in detail, kindly let me know if there is an article or book that I can read on the subject.

    Thanks again :)

    1. Wa alaikum as salam wr wb dear Sister, thank you very much for your kind words. My next IOU blog article is about toxic family members. It will have 3 parts and one of those parts will go into detail more about coping techniques.

  87. amatullahamina04@gmail.com'
    amatullah

    Assalamualaikum sister ….its really a beneficial for every one.feeling very much motivated after reading dis post.jazakillahu khair.

  88. Pingback : How to Deal with Toxic Family Members from Islamic and Counseling Sources [Part I] - IOU Blog

  89. salmaannawaz786@gmail.com'
    Salmaan

    Jazak’Allahu Khair.. Thanks for your wonderful article which is necessary in today’s life and keep going.May Allah grant you goodness and health and all of us.

  90. salmaannawaz786@gmail.com'
    Salmaan

    Jazak’Allahu Khair sister.. Thanks for your wonderful article which is necessary in today’s life and keep going.May Allah grant you goodness and health and all of us.

  91. mingkieabdurahman@yahoo.com'
    mingkie

    Assalamuaalaykum!!! Alhamdulillah for this wonderful article about toxic people and how to deal with them. I need some advise for my toxic daughter. She lies about her school, about the activities she is engage with and many other. We have already a heart to heart talk and every time I pray I make duwa’a for her to guide her to straight path and to enlighten her mind but still she keeps repeating same mistakes. But I won’t give up praying for her because I believe Allah will help me through it In sha Allah. And I do believe also that Allah will not tests His servant beyond his capacity. I know this is a test of faith and patience. Just help me pray and spare me some advise on how I go through it. JazakAllah

    1. Wa alaikum as salam Mingkie, Thank you for your kind words. I hear you saying that your daughter has a lying problem. I admire your statement that you won’t give up praying for her and that you trust in Allah’s help. I agree that these things are a test. I will pray for you in shaa Allah. As for advice, I would need some more information. How old is your daughter? What do you think is the reason that she feels the need to lie? If you want, you can email me at howtobeahappymuslim@outlook.com

  92. matthieu.agricole.sr@gmail.com'
    Nass

    As salam alaykoum,

    What can we if we have big dificulties with anger management.
    I have a toxic person in my life and that person always manage to break my nerves down, I just can help it !
    But I fear that anger might take me to the hell fire, don’t know what to do…

    Jazakallahou kheyr for your article anyway !

  93. Pingback : ভয়ংকর লোকদের সাথে চলার ব্যাপারে কিছু পরামর্শ | Muslim Media

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