“And among His signs is this: He creates for you mates out of your own kind. So that you might find contentment (sukoon) with them, and He engenders love and tenderness between you: in this, behold, there are signs (messages) indeed for people who reflect.” (Rum, 30:21)
It is often said that marriages are made in heaven. That is true but what is even more amazing is when a couple make heaven on earth with their marriage. All of us marry with love, excitement and an intention to “make it work”. However, we simply don’t know how to make it work or where we are going wrong, because of which we keep making the same old mistakes.
Marriage counseling, how to choose a spouse, what are the rights of a wife and how does her mind work, what irritates men, how are men and women different when it comes to the language of love, and, as is our topic here, what are the rights of husbands – no matter what stage you are in your marriage, you can benefit from the information given here insha’Allah.
Marriage, is after all the mother of all topics! And it is crucial to ensure a society’s welfare. If the institution of marriage weakens, the modesty level and emotional stability levels also weaken. Needless to mention, the increasing rate of broken homes and infidelity is becoming very bothersome. Married Muslim couples need to understand how important it is for them to make their marriages work, no matter how much effort it requires.
The Messenger of Allah (upon whom be peace) said: “Iblees places his throne over the water, then he sends out his troops, and the one who is closest in status to him is the one who causes the greatest amount of fitnah (tribulation or temptation). One of them comes and says, I have done such and such, and he says: You have not done anything. Then one of them comes and says: I did not leave him until I separated him and his wife. Then he draws him close to him and says: How good you are.” 1
Let’s face it – extra-marital relationships are a lot more common now than before, and show little sign of slowing down. Why? A lot of problems can insha’Allah be solved if we focus on the following aspects.
So here is my own way of presenting some hints and tips to please your husband! There are many rights a husband has over his wife, but here, we will focus on the most important ones, which in my view, can really help in making a marriage a successful one!
“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them.” (al-Baqarah 2:228)
Nothing kills a marriage faster than going against or neglecting the religion of Allah . We plan for a grant wedding. Then, a spectacular honey moon. Soon after that follows lavish dinners, vacations and what not. But the most significant ingredient remains missing: respecting the limits set by Allah . A couple who do not pray, do not fast or give zakaah (charity), do not ward off calamities by giving charity often, do not observe hijab in gatherings, do not bother to raise their children modestly, have no common aspirations and goals to learn the deen of Allah and have no recitation of Allah’s Book in their homes are bound to bear the consequences.
The trick, then, is to beseech Allah to make your marriage and relationship successful. All good things are from Allah . Constant adhkaar (remembrance of Allah) gives us protection against the evil eye and the Satanic plots.
“And (remember) when your Lord proclaimed: If you give thanks (by accepting Faith and worshiping none but Allah), I will give you more (of My Blessings), but if you are thankless (i.e. disbelievers), verily! My Punishment is indeed severe.” (Ibraaheem 14:7)
Honestly, it is that simple. Be grateful for your spouse. Think of the moment when you said “I do” and the excitement and bliss that followed those words. Don’t mistreat the blessing because of petty issues. Constant nagging and complaining never pays off. For some time, try to overlook, put yourself in others’ shoes with patience and eliminate these three things from your married life:
3. Respect, love and appreciation:
No words can ever explain the significance of this one word in a marriage: respect. If there is one thing a man expects from his wife, it’s respect. He wants to feel trusted and appreciated. He wants to feel his opinion matters and that his leadership is actually having a positive impact on the family. Even when you have to bring up something negative, choose your words wisely and keep your tone polite. Also, never criticize or humiliate him in public.
Women can either build up or tear down their men. A husband is moved by a few simple words like:
” I’m so proud of you…”
“Thank you for all that you do…”
“I really trust your judgement…”
It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Abbas said: The Messenger of Allah said: “I was shown Hell and I have never seen anything more terrifying than it. And I saw that the majority of its people are women.” They said, “Why, O Messenger of Allah?” He said, “Because of their ingratitude (kufr).” It was said, “Are they ungrateful to Allah?” He said, “They are ungrateful to their companions (husbands) and ungrateful for good treatment. If you are kind to one of them for a lifetime then she sees one (undesirable) thing in you, she will say, ‘I have never had anything good from you.’” 2
He is emotionally wounded when we constantly belittle his efforts to run the family and constantly criticize his every move and opinion. So learn to appreciate and increase his confidence, especially in those areas where you reckon he feels he lacks. Remember women, as better halves, we are here to complete and enhance whatever is lacking in our spouses and not sap them of their self confidence and self esteem.
Marriage requires constant effort to make it a truly successful one. Slacking off will result in spouses drifting away from each other. Think of ways to spice up your marriage and it doesn’t always have to be expensive vacations and fancy dinners. A simple gesture of love, some quality time, a romantic walk by the beach, or a simple love-note of appreciation can do the trick! Just remember, men want to feel loved and appreciated. And that is done by:
> Praising him constantly.
> Thanking him for his efforts and hard work.
> Showing love physically.
For men, love has to be SHOWN.
Respect makes him feel important and appreciated -these are ways to enter your man’s heart. The key to fostering good communication with men and the key to warming their hearts is respect. Failing to respect them is the quickest way to make them distance themselves from their wives. Withholding respect turns your man into a withdrawn person and we definitely don’t want that.
Don’t play victim around your husband all the time; don’t nag and moan. Instead, choose a different manner to convey your point, and rest of the time, remain playful and cheerful. Here is a man’s secret: they seek women who are lighthearted and have a sense of humor. Be playful. Joke around and laugh.
4. Looking good:
In the hyper-sexual society we live in, where our men are bombarded with alluring images of super models on every billboard, magazine and TV channels, it’s very crucial for every wife to dress up 24/7 and look neat and presentable and pretty.
This is because lowering the gaze is nothing short of a battle these days and when our husbands see pretty girls everywhere, it only makes sense for us to put some effort to look good for them so as to ward off thoughts of haram lust from them. Unkempt hair and pajamas all the time is a total no-no.
“The Messenger of Allah said: ‘When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he went to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.’” 3
Imagine how a husband’s love can sky rocket when he comes home, tired and wrung out, to a beautiful, well dressed, cheerful wife. Also try to picture what he must go through if you act otherwise…
Trust me, women out there are alluring men with their fitnah. Make sure you use your every charm on your husband to keep him engaged.
To cut a long story short, these aspects and parameters have become more crucial than ever before. Remember, no matter what amount of hard work you do for your husband or how much you exert yourself in trying to make the house more comfortable for him, what will always count for him will be – how you look and how you behave around him. So even if you have been working tirelessly all day and have prepared a right meal for him but look awful and sound ill tempered and tired, he will not appreciate it. On the other hand, even if for a day you decide to just hang around and do no work, but look pretty and greet him with a huge smile and sweet words and put every effort to placate him emotionally and physically, he will definitely fall for it. Try it!
“When any woman prays her five, fasts her month, guards her body and obeys her husband it is said to her: Enter paradise from whichever of its doors you wish.” 4
Forget the past, begin anew! Take a fresh start, starting today – let your marriage be more about giving rights and less about taking rights. Play your role and your rights will come along.
Please share your thoughts with tips and suggestions on how we can make our marriage work in the comments section below. 🙂