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I want a righteous spouse but…

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“Marriage-related” statuses, comments and articles get maximum number of likes on the  social networking sites these days, like Facebook, Twitter, Google plus and others.

Maybe this is because everyone wants to take out their frustrations, share their observations and their acceptance or rejection on this universally acknowledged and interesting topic. In this battle, I have seen some people becoming so sentimental that they vomit out their own personal encounters, love affairs, and ever- lasting crushes along with potential parties’ names in public!

Indeed, marriage is a very vast and an extremely crucial subject, which can be seen from both the aspects: aspect of seriousness and aspect of fun. It totally depends on the individual’s age, maturity and attitude towards life.

“I want a righteous spouse but …”, is a common phase  in the lives of the practicing Muslim youth. This dilemma is something we hear all around us in our religious circles & social gatherings.

Where, on one hand, all the religiously inclined men know and even understand the most famous hadith:

“A woman is married for four reasons: her wealth, her nobility, her beauty and her piety. Choose the pious one and be successful.” (Bukharee)

but very few are actually willing to act on it.

Some of my practicing friends are waiting to bump into some sort of Cinderella in abaya. This made me realize no matter how religious men look, very less people are actually willing to sacrifice when it comes to beauty and age, though they might sacrifice on piety, wealth and nobility.

This trend explicitly show us the true version of inner-us . All of us hear and talk about all this haadith all the time, but do we really mean it? Similarly, rejections are being made under the labels of “kuff” (compatibility), but the real reason for rejection is something else. Or even if it is kuff, what really constitutes (Kuff) equivalency in our eyes, this is a matter of debate.

Various scholars have done their own Ijtihad as to what factors are involved when it comes to Kuff. There are variety of opinions, but the strongest and the most sound opinion – and the one used by  Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen – is that Kuff is in reference to religious commitment only.  [Read more : http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/84306]

The mentality of the female gender in our society is no different; they too do the same. Though they might hold graduation in fiqh, maintain proper hijab and say along with their parents , “we want a righteous spouse…” very few are bold enough to act on what is being said.  It is evident that when someone from the low class family (but very pious) approaches them, suddenly many more things get added up in their list. They too know the famous hadith (by heart!):

“If a man whose practice of deen (religion) satisfies you, asks for your daughter in marriage, you should marry them; otherwise, there’ll be corruption on earth.”(at-Tirmidhee)

but they seldom act upon it.

Women prefer to marry guys from the First World countries with multiple high degrees, a Ferrari and possessing a great amount of bank balance. Is it always a bad thing? No. But if it makes you turn away from multiple good proposals and if it is your only criteria and your first priority, then yes, you might have a problem. Only when the rejecters fail to find their perfect package, they regret rejecting the earlier ones who had proposed them modestly through their parents.

Musa (alayhis salam) would have never married the daughter of the man who gave him shelter, if his father in-law’s conditions were based on material possession like today. At that time, he had no club memberships, money, cars or other luxurious items, he wasn’t even given Prophet hood yet! He was a modest man and a righteous spouse. That was all he had.  But for the wise, that’s the true wealth, the real criteria.

When it comes to delayed marriages and marriage-related sufferings, many a times, the fault lies within us; our fantasy-world attitude and high standards.

When it comes to delayed marriages and marriage-related sufferings, many a times, the fault lies within us; our fantasy-world attitude and high standards. The truth is that materialism is still somewhere in our minds and hearts. It seems not to go away despite the fact that we hear and know all these sayings and despite the fact we know the stories of all the companions and their criteria for picking up spouses.

Ask yourself, if today, a proposal comes your way, which looks religiously promising but, perhaps, struggling in worldly affairs, would you accept or walk away? It is all a matter of priorities.

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5 Responses

  1. huzaifashehu@live.com'
    Huzaifa bn Imaam

    Ma sha Allah. I really enjoyed this. I totally relate to it, because I and many others I know are facing this dilemma. We all want a religious spouse, yet we can’t seem to let go of the other features (beauty, her usool etc). May Allah give us all qurrat a’ayun.

    1. aa_gillani@hotmail.com'
      ayella gillani

      Ma sha ALLAH very good article but brother in some cases you actually want to sacrifice money and beauty for the sake of iman but in a society we are living we get vey few practicing brothers even not in your family or close relative and mostly the proposals come are from your families .then your own parents start convencing u that look before it is too late .we shd accept this proposal and later on u will change him according to your desire.
      then what shd be done???

  2. Pingback : I want a righteous spouse but… – IOU Blog | kokicat

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